Dear Dad
by MissingMommy
Summary: I wonder. Would you be proud of me? :: Neville's life told through a series of letters addressed to his dad. :: Neville&Frank, Neville/Hannah.


For QL, season 2, Beater 1 with the optional prompts of old and freedom.

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Dad,

Gran told me the story about how you and Mum got hurt. Is it true that you fought against the bad people?

Were you the hero?

I like to think you were.

* * *

Dad,

Gran says that you aren't going to get better. I think she's wrong.

* * *

Dad,

My Hogwarts letter came in today. I'm going to be just like you and mum.

Gran says that she will take me shopping in the morning. But I wish that you and mum were going to do that.

* * *

Dad,

I thought Hogwarts was going to be fun, but it's really not. Herbology is my favorite class. I'm really good at it. I'm struggling to keep up with my other classes, though.

Potions is the hardest subject I have. Gran tells me that I take after you, that I'm just as bad as you were. I wonder if it's true.

* * *

Dad,

I'm scared. Not for myself, but for the Muggleborns. A ghost and Mr Filch's cat and Colin and Justin have already been hurt. I don't want any others hurt.

I wonder what you would've done. I bet you wouldn't be scared. I bet you would protect them. Like Gran said you always protected Mum.

* * *

Dad,

Professor Moody showed us the Cruciatus Curse in class today. I felt sick to my stomach as I watched that spider experience pain.

And I couldn't help but think about you and Mum, and what you two must've went through. I felt angry. I was angry that someone would use that horrible curse on you and Mum. And I was angry that it left you not able to be my parents.

* * *

Dad,

I nearly threw up when I asked Ginny Weasley to the Ball. I asked her because I knew that she wanted to go, and I knew she couldn't go without being asked by an older student. I asked her to go with me so I wouldn't have to go alone.

Is that wrong of me? It feels awfully wrong.

Did you ever ask a girl on a date without actually liking her? I don't think you would have. And that makes me feel even worse.

* * *

Dad,

There have been whispers about a war coming. They say that He's back. Ever since the end of the Triwizard Tournament, it's all people have been talking about.

Gran told me that you joined the fight as soon as you heard about it. I think that's why I joined the D.A.. To make Gran proud like you did.

* * *

Dad,

There's no denying it now. He's definitely back. Sometimes, I find myself wondering if this is the same type of world you grew up in. If you were as scared as I am now.

But it's not me I'm scared for. Its the Muggleborns on the run. Its the Muggles unaware of our presences.

Did you ever find strength in knowing that you could help protect the people you cared about? I'd like to think you did. Because I do.

* * *

Dad,

Gran told me that she's proud of me. It's the first time she's told me that.

It's the first time she saw _me_ and not you. I thought I would be happy. I thought I was becoming my own person. But I kind of liked being compared to you. It made me feel closer to you somehow.

* * *

Dad,

It's over. We won. We got our freedom, from fear, from war. We got everything that you and Mum fought so hard for. We finally got peace.

There's so many dead. And I'm ashamed to say that I felt relieved.

* * *

Dad,

The Auror Department suffered heavy losses during the war. And they offered all of the former D.A. positions. We didn't even have to finish seventh year. It sounded brave. It sounded...like you.

I don't Gran ever looked prouder than when I told her I was going to be an Auror. But I think it's mainly because it reminds her of you. But that's okay.

* * *

Dad,

I wonder. Would you be proud of me?

* * *

Dad,

I meet someone. A Hufflepuff that was in my year at Hogwarts. Her name's Hannah.

She's kind and sweet and understanding. She makes me smile on the bad days, when the memory of the Battle play in my dreams.

I think you would've liked her.

* * *

Dad,

I quit being an Auror.

Gran wasn't too happy. But it wasn't me.

I took up the Herbology post at Hogwarts instead.

* * *

Dad,

How did you ask Mum to marry you? Did you do it in front of friends and family? Or did you do something personal?

I have the ring. But I don't know when would be the right time. How did you know?

Did you even know?

* * *

Dad,

Were you nervous the day you married Mum? Because tomorrow, I take Hannah as my wife. Don't get me wrong. I love her. I really do. But marriage is a big deal.

Did you look back on that day and laugh at your nervousness? I like to think you did. I like to think that you were just as nervous as I am. It helps calm me.

* * *

Dad,

It's odd being back at Hogwarts. And it's even odder that I'm not in Gryffindor tower with my mates.

Instead, I have a residency on the first floor of the castle. I sit with the teachers at the Head table. And I teach the students that went through the war.

How many years must go on until the students are no longer war-torn and this generation's lives are taught in History of Magic?

* * *

Dad,

What did you do when you found out Mum was pregnant? Did laugh? Cry? Scream? I like to think you were happy. Happy as I was when Hannah told me.

I'm going to be a dad. Can you believe it?

* * *

Dad,

The Healers say Gran isn't going to get better. I think they're wrong.

* * *

Dad,

She's...gone. It seemed that she would live forever. I thought she would.

Now, I don't have her and I don't have you or Mum. I have Hannah, but she's been distancing herself for a while. I feel alone.

And I don't know what to do.

* * *

Dad,

Hannah's sick and they say that the baby isn't going to make it. I want to believe they are wrong.

But I'm not so sure anymore.

* * *

Dad,

I don't know what to do. The baby - a girl we would've named Alice - didn't survive. She didn't scream when she was born. She was still and blue and...not alive.

Hannah hasn't come out of the nursery in days. All I keep hearing is her sobbing. And I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make this better.

And I wish you could tell me how.

* * *

Dad,

Hannah applied for the Healer position at Hogwarts so we can be closer together. But I've never felt more alone.

I thought this would help us, but I'm not so sure. Because all I really smell is the Firewhiskey on her breath. I'm going to give more time. Maybe it will get better.

* * *

Dad,

Hannah wants to try again.

And I don't think it's a good idea.

* * *

Dad,

She miscarried.

How am I supposed to handle this? Hannah is crying and I still can't make this better.

Would you wipe her tears and hold her close? Or would you give her space? I wish I had these answers.

* * *

Dad,

I thought her and I were going to grow old together. But I was wrong. I tried everything I could to save this marriage. But she wanted the bottle more than me.

I couldn't make her happy. Why do I always disappoint the people closest to me?

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A/n - the first few have a little bit of grammar that's wrong. He's a kid, so mistakes are to be expected.


End file.
